Where do we go?

Difficult days lie ahead of me I'm afraid.

My Grandmother (my mother's Mother) and I have been estranged for coming up on 8 years. There is no reason. After my mother passed away My father and her had a falling out. We just didnt stay in contact. I never called her and she never called me. I can't say why.

Its odd, but I'd assume that she feels its my fault. Given that it dshould have been my responsibility. My suster stayed in contact with her, but, she too had a falling out about a year ago. My Grandmother is dying. I feel as though i need to mend this.

I always think of myself as a devoted family person. I guess that's only somewhat true. I am meeting my sister today so that we can try to figure out what to do.

I hate thinking that I have hurt my Grandmother in anyway. I didn't mean to. I just didn't call. and she didn't call me.

Somtimes i just feel like a giant stinking pile of shit. In my life I can say that this issue is the only one that I feel has been weighing on me. I am so completely happy with everything else.


When I lost my mom, I guess that I was in a bad headspace. I needed time on my own and craved solitude. Unfortunately, I was never able to get that, and in the process I fear that I have pushed people away. Or maybe I am just looking for excuses? I don't know.